Creativity and grief – dealing with the loss of a creative partner

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Losing a loved one usually throws your creativity for a loop anyway – when that person has been a partner in your creative work, the loss can be a double blow. How do you help yourself recover without sacrificing your creativity?

The creative process itself opens us up to emotions and sensitivities that we may not always feel. One part of living is opening your heart to others. When those people leave us - either through the end of a relationship or death - it can be tough to move on, to try and heal the gap without sealing it completely to new experiences. 

Even the loss of a pet or a change in address can have a profound effect on us. And anything that affects our emotions is bound to affect our creativity. Some people have the ability to use what happens to them to create beautiful works of art or literature, and to heal through that process. Others are more likely to shut down for a while and deal with the pain internally. 

In her memoir, The Year of Magical Thinking, writer Joan Didion describes the loss of her husband and writing partner of 40 years, and the realisation that her writing process would never be the same. 

Many musical groups have gone through the experience of losing a band member. Sometimes this means the end of the band – as with Queen and Nirvana – with only occasional performances with guest artists, and the former band members moving on to other groups or retiring. Other bands choose to go on, finding a new member and rebuilding their creativity. Sometimes this process takes many years, and many combinations – as happened with INXS. Others, like AC/DC, find the right fit much sooner. 

Even without such a strong emotional connection as we have with the people we love, our creative outlets easily develop their own associations, especially if they are done regularly. If I hear a certain song now I get an instant memory of the project I was working on while it kept coming on the radio, and particular smells and even times of the day remind me of artworks or characters from books. 

It is so difficult to continue creating when every project comes with painful reminders that your partner is no longer there to do their part. In time we can only hope that we'll be left with good memories rather than the pain, and that our creative work helps us to enjoy that memory. How much time that takes differs so widely – it may take many years, or just a few months. Don't push too much. You’ll know when you want to create again.

Begin the healing process

Try to find an alternative activity to do while you let yourself heal. Ideally, look for something that is fairly new to you and isn't associated with your creative partner. Learning is a great way to occupy your mind. 

Something as simple as tackling a daily crossword puzzle, learning to play chess or studying a new language, could help to keep your mind stimulated and ward off depression. 

Try a sport or take a class in something new, even – and especially – if you’ll be an absolute beginner. The more you have to learn, the more attention you have to apply to your new skills. 

Reach out to others

Being involved with those less fortunate than you are is often a quick way to gain perspective and discover a meaning to your life and your creativity. Try making teddy bears for an orphanage or baking for a charity drive. Your previous skills may start beckoning again when you see the need for them. At this stage you may want to begin teaching others, or join a group, so that you have company and a different focus. 

Try to avoid seeing your creative work as something you used to do with a special partner but that you now do alone. 

copyright © Elsa Neal 2006 (Please contact the for permission to reprint this article.)

The Year of Magical Thinking is available from Amazon.com  

Switch is the latest album from INXS and the first featuring new lead singer JD Fortune. Available from Amazon.com. 

Explore the possibility of healing through creative therapy - The Creative Connection : Expressive Arts As Healing by Natalie Rogers, is also available from Amazon.com

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